Friends and Family I love don't understand my faith

As disciples we know we are to love people where they are and encourage them to grow in their relationship with Jesus Christ.

But what about if friends or even family whose influence is making it hard for you to follow Christ as you know you should. Maybe they just don't understand. Or perhaps they are wanting you to "hang out" the same old way you used to, involving some things you know go against living your new life in Christ.

Let’s start with friends or peers.  Living the new life, as a disciple of Christ means your old appetites and ways have also begun to change.  Perhaps some things you used to do with the “gang” you now know are not honoring to the Lord.  You see life differently too, with an eternal perspective, and all people as having infinite worth to our loving Creator.  That is going to change the way you joke, talk, and what you choose to do for entertainment.  And your friends may not understand and may even feel put down or frustrated with you.

Peter put it this way,

“For you have spent enough time in the past doing what pagans choose to do—living in debauchery, lust, drunkenness, orgies, carousing and detestable idolatry.  They are surprised that you do not join them in their reckless, wild living, and they heap abuse on you.  But they will have to give account to him who is ready to judge the living and the dead.”  (1 Peter 4:3-5)

He wasn’t saying to become judgmental, but warning that they will be held accountable to God one day.  This should strengthen our resolve and remind us to pray for, love, and seek to share Christ with them.  But Peter is also clear to make a break from that old behavior. 

You may find that despite loving your friends, the social scene could change simply because you can’t join them in everything you used to do.  They’re surprised, and may even wonder if you are looking down on them simply by no longer doing certain things.  Some may even “heap abuse” on you.  It is a real feat to graciously explain that, no, you are not judging or thinking your are too good, but that Christ is making changes from the inside out.  Some will accept this and others may not. But always maintain your love for them!

What if the temptation for you is too strong to fall back into the old ways by hanging out with them in certain settings?   From Peter’s words it is clear they did not “join them” in certain things any longer.  If the pull is too strong on you it is wise to avoid those situations.  It may be possible to find other settings and ways to continue to love and share Christ with them.

What about family, if they are pressuring me or influencing me in ways I know are not right?  If it involves the things Peter mentions then you would handle it in a similar way as with friends. 

But often with family it is more a pressure to “not get all religious” or to stay in the denomination you were brought up in:   “Are we all wrong?  Is grandma’s church no longer good enough?    Do you think you are better than us now?” 

What do you do? 

Proverbs says, “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a hard word stirs up anger.”  (Prov. 15:1)  So first of all,  determine to always speak humbly and in gentleness.   This can be especially hard with family.  You know each other so well!

I Peter 3:15 says, “But in your hearts revere Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect.”

Preparing an answer can involve thinking through your own personal story of how you came to Christ and some of the process that led you to it.  What questions or struggles did you face?  It’s possible they have had similar questions.  What led you to Christ as the answer?  What is different now?

Make sure you reaffirm your love all along the way.  Notice the two words, gentleness and respect.  Being argumentative or unkind would push people away from Christ.  You are an ambassador for Christ (2 Corinthians 5:19-20) not a warrior or salesman for Christ.  Ambassadors must be very patient in helping bring two sides together, in this case family and Christ. Our world today is quick to brand people "toxic," as disposable, but that has no place in a believer's mind, heart or in relationships.

As Paul said when he shared his story, “whether a short time or long” his prayer was for their salvation (Act. 26:29). 

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